Monday, November 03, 2008

Of forehead injuries and nose bleeds!

As clumsy as I often am, no, I wasn't the victim of those terrible 'catastropes' this time... It happened to two of my students within the last two weeks (the third, or forth.. after the head bleeding and swollen nose incidents).. and during my lessons too!

I wish I could snap photos as proof of how bad things can be at primary schools these days... but I was just in such a bloody shock! I mean, hello, imagine the horror of seeing blood oozing down your student's nose! Well, the closest I can think of is this:




Or worst still, streams of blood gushing out of some eyebrow wound on a female student.. here's just an example:



The nose bleed incident wasn't too bad.. one of three kids (I'll call him Terror 1) who often got into trouble during my lesson, got angry with another student and pushed him. Naturally, the victim fell down, knocked his nose onto the desk nearby and bam, the bleeding started!

The forehead injury case which happend just last Friday, was much worse... Terror 1 was fooling around with Terror 2 even after getting a 10-minute screaming session from me (I couldn't cane him cos caning isn't allowed these days), and decided it was fun to throw pencil cases at a few of the students nearby. Round 1-the pencil case merely smacked some kid gently on the forehead. I stopped him and yet... while I wasn't looking, he decided to try out Round 2... well, this time, he wasn't too lucky...

The pencil case came flying through the air and landed on a girl, just slightly above her eyebrow. The next thing I knew, someone was screaming, "Teacher, her forehead is bleeding!" I rushed to the victim... and horror of horrors, nearly one-third of her face, from the injured site, down to the nose, mouth, chin and part of her neck was covered in blood!

I tried my best to wipe off all the blood... called a student to inform the form teacher and brought victim, witness and perpetrator to see the afternoon session supervisor. To cut the long story short, the mothers of both victim and perpetrator came to the school, and the victim was brought to the clinic.

What still irks me most is I got insulted by both mums. Perpetrator's mom said I must've been too gentle and didn't scold her son at all. Yeah right, you call screaming at the top of your lungs while pulling two or three kids apart constantly for nearly 2/3 of the lesson time too gentle! Maybe I was 'too gentle' cos I didn't punch and whack her kid with the biggest cane I could find till he was blue black (not that I wasn't tempted to do that!).

Argghhh... the great horrors of teaching!!!

Where God wants me to be.. I'll go!

Well, Abraham must have said it, and I believe countless prophets and great men and women of God, the missionaries of God's Kingdom must've said it too! It's painful, it's dreadful, and in many ways a sheer agony to utter those words (as I've realise recently), but well, aren't God's ways higher than our ways? And besides, didn't He promise those of us priviledged to be called His Sons and Daughters that He'll never leave us nor forsake us?

Oh yeah, but still, I can't help those terrible thoughts in my mind... those horror stories about Johor.. ARRRGGGHH!

Frankly, I'd be a hyprocrite if I said I'm not too worried about my posting to Johor. It really wasn't something I was looking forward to, since I'd just made that tiring move from Sarawak to Selangor. But still, some things just cannot be changed. Yeah, I was quite dissapointed when my appeal letter to the MOE to be re-posted back to Selangor was rejected. But I guess, God's hand was behind it all...

Just the night before the news concerning the results of my appeal came, God very specifically spoke into my heart that I was to go to Johor- He had a great plan for me there, and that it was to be my mission field for the next few years. And I kept being reminded about the faith Abraham had, as well as his obedience to God, first when He was asked to move away from his homeland and later, when he obediently heeded God's command to sacrifice his son Isaac and passed God's test of faith. So, when the call came from KPM the next morning, I was ready to face the news (dissapointed, but still ready)- and as expected, my appeal was rejected. I had to go to Johor.

Yeah, I've cried a lot thinking and agonizing about this. But I know it's just God's way of testing my faith. I've been going thru many things lately, which I realise now was God's way of preparing me for my new phase of life in Johor- shaping a more Christlike character within me cos no longer can I be that fearful, sensitive, spoilt, overly-emotional and at times irresponsible and immature person that I was before. I had tasted God's goodness and well, it's time to change... time to rise up to the calling God has set upon my life.. TIME TO MOVE ON!!

So, move on I will... just pray with me, people! =)

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

The great & the not-so great (un)expectations.. the lament of a teacher newbie

Ever wonder how often things that actually happen in life turn out to be those that you least expect? Take for instance, my moving to Selangor... okay, that was expected,. But what I certainly did not expect was to end up teaching (temporarily) in a chinese primary school, just a 10-minute walking distance from my new 'home' in Selangor.

I also did not expect the huge bombshell I got upon the first day of reporting for duty at the school. When I mean HUGE.. I really mean HUGE.. I was given the wrong timetable 2 times by the school, then got a terrible scolding from the PK for something that was her fault, then was asked to teach a set of 'rojak' subjects- Science, PJK, Music, Moral, Kajian Tempatan and etc... almost everything except English and BM!

Then, there were also those students who thought that climbing up classroom door railings, screaming, making monkey noises and pinching other students during lessons were... fun! Thank God that didn't last long... cos 2 weeks after that, I was moved to the afternoon session where I finally got to teach- ENGLISH & BM! Hurray!

Just when things seemed settled for a while, three little troublemakers came into the scene. At first, all they did were to argue with me, called me names, used curse words, did crazy antics and and kacau the other students a bit.. then they turned to hardcore punching and bullying. A few times their victims ended up with a swollen nose, slight bleeding on the head etc. Things were quite bad- I'm not kidding! And often I wonder, what would these kids turn into when they become adults, considering they could do the things they did at the age of 9!

It saddens me that despite trying any means I could to discipline them, there wasn't much improvement. What's worse was that their antics stopped me from teaching effectively, and the ones who really suffered were their classmates who wanted to learn. I guess all I can do to really help them is to pray- God's power is the only thing that can change them.

Yet, despite all the 'torture' I received, I gradually ended up enjoying the time spent with most of my students- talking to them, listening to their stories, joking with them etc. And there were also those tender moments, esp when my students gave me a bagful of gifts (stationery and tit-bits) during the International Children's Day Celebration. Yes, there will always be those times when entering classes seemed a pain and a chore, but I think I'll really miss them when I finally leave for Johor in 2 weeks time. Oh well!

Sunday, October 19, 2008

I'll be back into the blogging world... soon!

I haven't had the time to get this blog rolling since a year or so ago... ouch! Guess I just didn't have the time...

Anyways.. I'll be posting my next new post as soon as I can... maybe within this week... heheheh...Cheers!

Friday, September 28, 2007

Losing so much of me....

I've been asking myself this question for months...yet not able to face up to its answer....till now...

Truth is...evidently, my abilities, my passion, my beliefs are slowly ebbing away....

I've lost my ability and passion for everything! Not because of the stress I facing...that, I can handle. It has to do with much more...ME, for one. Take writing for instance, I can't write anymore! Not like I used to.... not without producing snippets of randomly, less well thought out or deeply analysed words... mere words that bear no weight, nothing that holds an ounce of semblance to what I am capable of producing before...

And it's not just about that... everything I do, from my thought patterns to my actions, to my speech...in short, EVERYTHING seems a source of agony.... I can't talk without letting that thread of confusion that has been running through my thoughts show for what it is.... a worn out, disillusioned mind....alright, depressed as well.. WHAT A PAIN!

I don't even bother if things are done badly.... since they'll never be as perfect as I want them to be anyway. My notes are strewn on the floor, my room and my mind a mess, my assignments done in the most shabby manner....Why Try? WHY BOTHER? No matter how hard I try, I'll always fail anyway...fail to be as good as everyone else... fail to reach my true potential (which, incidentally, seems to lie dormant all these years, never able to find its way out into this dark, menacing world)...

GOSH, how do I HATE being so idealistic! It's tough enough having to live up to other's expectations, tougher still trying to live up to my own! But I just can't take it anymore... the way things are never the way I want it to be...

Often times...I'd ask God these questions: WHY DID YOU MAKE ME THIS WAY? WHY SO DIFFERENT? Why must I have this deep need to understanding life and its true meaning, to understand myself as deeply as I can and the comprehend the reason for my existence? Why can't I take it easily like everyone else? Why can't I be happy like everyone else? Why can't I stop being so damn idealistic?

Guess, that's the only passion I have left...the passion to study WHY I AM THE WAY I AM! Why my mind works the way it does, why I reacted to things the way I did etc, and how I am different from everyone else. I guess, my sole arena of interest now lies in my need to make a mental comparison between my thoughts, my emotions and that of others...Guess that's why my FYP topic is something to do with psychoanalytical theory...urghhh....whatever

But it doesn't matter anyway...been experiencing this all my life. It's only during the recent months that its manifest effects have taken a toll on my (already) diminishing sanity...

SIGH! That's quite enough for one night... gotta get back to the tons of things I've yet to complete...as usual. It's gonna be a long and dreary night, not to mention-life, ahead! *YAWN*

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Struggling to keep check of my sanity

Boy, it's been a really crazy week!

It all started last Friday...My car got bumped by someone as I was driving back from Unimas to my aunt's home.! Hrmphh! Thank God it was settled today... just got my whole car bumper replaced this morning. Phew!

Then....
- had an exam on Monday and of all the crappy things tht could happen, I couldn't answer many of the questions (and for the first time, my mind literally went blaNk for nearly half and hour!). Okay, it's my fault this time cos I only started revising some of the stuff 2 hours before the paper. So no longer was I the same ol' Vic who could create the most seemingly 'correct' answers for questions and concepts that I don't even know...you know- the usual 'goreng sini, goreng sana' method, which entails playing around with words a little and cranking up long elaborations even when I don't really know what I was writing about. But I was stumped this time, and worst still, I couldn't doodle on my paper as usual (it usually helps me sort out my thoughts) cos we had to write our answer directly onto the question paper...Argghhh!

Just when I thought things would be fine...I ended up losing my pendrive on Wed- the 2nd time this semester! And it wasn't even my pendrive...it's my father's, no, to be correct.... it actually belongs to the Gov department my Pa works at cos I lost mine around a month ago and had to borrow his. Was too lazy to bother buying a new one...low on cash this time. What happened was, i left it at the lab approx 4.40pm on Wed, just when it was about to close. Since it wasn't open at night, I decided to look for it the next morning...waited very early for the lab to open so that no one would see my pendrive 1st and take it... and met the lab assistant as he was unlocking the lab door, who told me it was on the table since he saw it just before closing off on Wed...so I went to look for it....but, but...it wasn't there! SOB! SOB!

I left, then went back to look for the lab guy again after class, and he said another lab assistant told him that he gave the pendrive- my pa's Gov department's pendrive to someone- someone utterly dishonest, who claimed that the pendrive was his. Okay, maybe that someone lost a pendrive similar to mine...cos on the very same day, a friend told me she saw a pendrive which actually looked like mine in one of the lecture rooms...but it certainly wasn't mine cos I certainly did not go to any of the lecture rooms on Wednesday. Sigh!

Arghhhhhh! What's worse is... I can't even buy another similar pendrive to replace it cos it's a very old model- with only 256MB of storage and I've tried looking around the shops but could not find even a similar one sold in the market!!! *SOB* Gosh, I'm really in BIG trouble this time! Cos aside from not being able to find a replacement, it contains irreplaceable, crucial information which my Pa needs!!

My only alternative now is to pray that whoever took my handy would return it to the office, else I'd start posting notices everywhere I can, on Monday...Haha! If I can find the time- which is virtually impossible with discussions and classes back-back-back from morning till evening. Urgghhh! Of course, I could continue pestering the lab guy, again, about my handy-- yeah, by Monday, he'd probably run away screaming at the top of his lungs whenever he sees me, considering that I kept stalking him to ask about my handy...each free time I could after class on Thursday and Friday...

That aside...It's 5pm now... and there's a long list of stuff to complete by tomorrow- a website homepage to design for CALL (Asked to do it cos I'd done it before), a presentation powerpoint to complete, and a draft of chapter 1 and 2 of my FYP to complete. I've handed up the 1st draft of chapter 2 about 2 weeks ago but didn't bother to continue with chapter 1, till today. Haven't started researching on Chapter 1 too, yet i've to pass up everything on Monday! Arggh! And there are still 2 presentations on Tues and Thurs, as well as 2 reflection papers, a Xcube article and poem to complete by Wednesday! Sigh!

Yet...I can't help dreaming about the missing pendrive...I'm praying for a miracle- perhaps, oh perhaps, it would mysteriously, suddenly appear on Monday-- my baby, my pendrive, safe and sound in my arms, at last!

Sunday, April 08, 2007

~12 things about Moi ~

Haven't been blogging for ages....but dear ESTHER VOON & KEE MAN tagged me, so here I am, writing this. You see, someone started this tagging game, whereby you've got no choice but to write 6 things about yourself. Esther got tagged, she tagged me and Kee Man, and Kee Man tagged me too. So, now I officially have to write like~ 12 things (6+6) about myself! Waaaahhhh!

What's the tagging game about, here are the ground rules:
-List 6 weird things about yourself
-find 6 friends to tag and state their names at the end of your blog post.
-Once you've tagged someone, leave a comment to inform them that “you’ve been tagged!” in their comment section, point them to your blog post so that they'll read your post and the rules of this game.
- Ask them to tag 6 other friends.

Easy-peasy...? Yeah, right!

THE 12 WEIRD ASPECTS ARE:

#1: I DAYDREAM A LOT! It's a hobby I cultivated since~I was a baby! HAhaha! What are my dreams about? They’re sometimes little stories I churn in my head or little songs and tunes I can’t play or which I'm just too lazy pen down. And I love putting myself in the shoes of the characters in my stories. That's why I'm very absent minded most of the time. God knows how I managed to pass my exams all these while, especially when it's practically impossible for me to concentrate on a task for more than 15 minutes-- before my mind goes into fantasy mode. Thank God most exams nowadays are pretty okay, dump in a bit of common sense, analysis and whalla--a good mark! Haha!

#2: I SING IN MY SLEEP, OR WHEN I’M ALONE! People usually sleepwalk or talk in their sleep. But I sing. It has happened a few times, at least that’s what ppl tell me. Is that normal? Oh well. And no, I’m not good at it, I think. I just love to sing! But not your usual pop songs. I prefer the classics more although rock or pop are great stress relievers (Man, I love listening to JOSH GROBAN & ENYA!) People say my voice has a slight classical quality. Too bad I sing better when I’m alone or at night somehow. Maybe cos I get severe sore throats every morning. I don’t drink a lot of water, you see. A bad habit, which makes it hard for me to speak loudly. The soreness only disappears when it’s almost midnight. So sometimes I’ll sing softly to myself then. But despite the sore throats, I must find time for myself to sing at least once or twice a week, while washing my clothes, washing the car etc


#3: I ENJOY MAKING MONKEY AND PARROT NOISES! So the next time you hear “Ooohh Ooohh Ooohh, ahh ahh ahh!” or “arrrkkk! Polly wants a scone” (Polly’s a British parrot, you see), that’ll be me.

#4: I GET ‘HIGH’ AT NIGHT! Basically, I’m what you’ll call a night-person. I get tired and grouchy often during the day, but at night, it’s often a different story, provided that I get enough sleep the day before or when they’re no assignments. I get the best inspirations for my poetry & imaginations; make the best monkey and parrot noises; sing the best; write the best stuff (love writing scripts for plays when I have to); get into the craziest moods; and read the most stuff only during the night.

#5: I HAVE MATHEMATICAPHOBIASIS! Translated into laymen terms- it means an unusual apprehension towards anything to do with mathematics. It reached its peak when I was in Form 4 & Form 5, when I had to rush to the toilet on an average of 2-3 times each additional math lesson, to vomit because of severe migraines I would develop each time my Add math teacher entered the classroom. So naturally, I’ve failed Add math tests many times. Too bad! And I only started studying for it two weeks before my SPM, which was sheer torture. Thank god I did well for it. And thankfully, I did pretty well for my modern math tests then, which was surprising considering the only Math exercises I 'did' were the ones I copied from my friends. It’s such hard work to do Math exercises. All you have is a string of formulas and nothing but formulas. Once in a while I get the kick out of trying to figure out how the formulas come about since for me, calculating is a chore, but figuring things out are fun! But it didn’t work. Unlike the other subjects, they aren’t as easy to figure out. So, right now, I'm having a tough time this semester, particularly since many of the courses I’m taking now require calculations. And damn the statistics course! I hate SPSS (okay, even when I don’t have to calculate anything for it, there are still rows of numbers I see on the screen). My migraines are killing me! Sigh, so much for having a phobia for Mathematics.

#6: I LIKE TO EAT THE WEIRDEST STUFF! Yeah, these include special, one-of-a-kind, Victoria-an-made concoctions. So far I've made and eaten great stuff like orange+nestum+milk+milo shake (fruity squash delight), squashed watermelons+honey+milo (watermelon fantasia), honey dew rolled in egg omelet (dewy rolls), Sushi+cheese (Cheeshkesushi), cheesey milky sausage or luncheon meat omelet (omelet du-flomarge-another favourite), pasta or spaghetti cooked with milk and sausage(Victoria’s pasta delight-my all time favourite) and etc. They were ahhh~ heavenly! Hmmm…and I’ve always wanted to try out sago worms. Heard that they’re pretty crunchy and juicy when deep fried. Wanna try it? WAHAHAHAHAH!

#7: I’M ADDICTED TO PILLOWS! But not your standard, buy-them-from-the-shops ones with artificial sponges on the insides, or state-of-the-art curved ones for better neck to head support. The ones I only like are the original DIY ones, the ones my Mum made for me since I was young, with those cottony stuff and lil' chunks of twigs in them-which I call ‘little twiggies’. I usually must have at least one of them around when I’m studying before exams, watching TV, eating, doing assignments and stuff, cos having them around somehow helps me to think! Weird huh! I must have one on my lap when I’m playing the piano or when I’m on the computer in my room or at home. And I enjoy spending hours on an end cuddling it, pinching it, squeezing it, kissing it to my heart's content (okay, that's gross I know). Worst still, I'll usually lug one around the house-to the kitchen, the dining room, the toilet, the sitting room. Ahhhh, pillows are my dearest friends! =)

#8: I CAN’T STAND HAVING LONG FINGERNAILS! I love seeing others with long ones that are just~ oh, so pretty! It’s a pity I can’t help but get the kick out of clipping my finger or toenails, sometimes till they bleed.

#9: I HAVE THE ABILITY TO CRY ONE MINUTE AND LAUGH LIKE CRAZY THE NEXT. Yeah, it's a 'skill' that comes so naturally for me. Not that I'm faking it..it's just that my emotions can swing erratically in yo-yo mode at times. One minute I'm gleefully laughing like a hyena, then if something triggers my emotions, I can go about sobbing like a milk-deprived baby the next. It's not so evident now, and I'm proud to say I've not been on it since the last 12 months or so of my life. Isn’t that great?

#10: I’D PLAY COMPUTER GAMES JUST BEFORE EXAMS AND WHILE DOING MY ASSIGNMENTS. That’s what I’ll do instead of studying—my ultimate de-stressing method. I loathe reading academic stuff and studying. So just a day prior to my exams or assignment due date, instead of studying for long hours, I’ll usually spend a few hours either dreaming or playing computer games. Sometimes, the tension gets so bad that I’ve to wait till 2-3 hours before the exams before I can start studying anything. The same goes for my assignments.


#11: I LOVE MAKING UP WORDS AS I GO ALONG. They’re usually words that describe my self conflicted condition and words that describe a person, place or activity—like UNIMASOPOTAMIA (my favourite), INSOMNIADREAMIONISIS, KOBUNGAYA (Kolej Bunga Raya), VICTOHISTERIAMANIASIS, Walkhopping method, laughsnorting, JINGGLE-Ing, AHBRACADABRA, etc etc….


#12: I OFTEN SKETCH FACES OF GIRLS, ARCHITECHTURAL LAYOUTS OF HOMES OR BUILDINGS & NONSENSICAL OBJECTS! My books are filled with them, I sketch them during lectures, while studying, or as I’m imagining things. I’m not a good artist I admit, since I’ve never bothered to upgrade my drawing skills. Tried to so-call ‘design’ my dream home, dream library and computer lab, dream pool etc on paper many times. It’s a pretty good diversion from the dull humdrums of daily life.

Okay, the 12 lucky ones I’m tagging are:
-MeLISA
-Lisa
-Yatie
-Marie
-MaRina
-KARTINA
-FeRbesT
-Fei fei
-FeLisia
-Rosa
-Seeput
-Florence

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Reasons why I changed my blog design

I won't elaborate-here's the truth-nothing but the truth:

# 1: Got sick with the blog design
# 2: Decided that reasons I was sick was because Green's my least fav colour-didn't know why I chose the background in the 1st place
# 3: Decided that the colour reminds me of green algae- maybe's it's because I x blog that often now-makes me feel everything's rotting- EUUUWWW! GROSSSSS!
# 4: Want a new look for the coming new year. Maybe signifying my new outlook in life!
# 5: So that I could start a new entry about reasons why I changed my blog design. You see, I really don't know what else to post these days. my mind's blocked to blogging.

:P

New Year's around, with changes that abound

I hope this is gonna be a shorter post this time- considering that my blogging juices isn't in much running condition these days, and my mind's pretty clogged up...updating blogs are hard work!And who reads these stuff these days when better blogs come by the ton nowadays.

But since 2006 is coming to an end....what the heck-i'll just shoot-

Truth is, I'm kinda in a limbo right now- emotionally that is- too many changes in my life happenning all at once, and my emotions are currently all mixed up. I've currently reached a few stops in my journey of life, and during the next few stops be landing in these whole new territories soon, very soon:

First Territory: Crazy New Jungle: KL
Yup! righto- my whole family will be relocating to Our Nation's Pride-KL on the 22nd DEC 06 (Hurray, my Birtday!) since my Dad's been promoted to be stationed in PutraJaya for the next 3 years or so. I'll be there in KL from my birthday till the 2nd Jan 07. Where will I be after that??? Rambling about MiawLand of course-going about my usual UNI stuff week in week out without the privilege of visiting my family during weekends! *SOB* My current house will be rented out, that means all my stuff (from A-Z) will be crammed into the tiny hole of a College room. One of the cars will be sold, the Nissan left for me. There will be no more ASTRO-even in KL...Gosh, I feel like licking my precious TV right now (OK, just kidding). but it's packing time right now- a two-month long project which hasn't ended yet.

2nd Juncture:DrivoPhobia+Mania=TheSCARY Duo
The relocation of my family entails my driving frequently on my own to UNIMAS and anywhere else. Honestly, I'm not a big fan of driving. Being affected by DRIVOPHOBIAMANIOSIS definitely isn't something to laugh about!Urggh, it's much worse than fever or Migraine, trust me. Based on a 3-year Research on trying and attempting to drive done by the local Victoria's Association of Crazily Phobic Drivers of Kuching, the Symptoms of DRIVOPHOBIAMANIOSIS, a deadly virus that affects your eye perception, logical thinking ability while driving include:
(1) Hand and feet numbness-this disease has the potential ability to lock up your arms and feet, and causes temporary incapacitation or slowness in bodily movement as you try to drive and while you drive. BEWARE!THIS IS ONLY STAGE 1
(2) Rapid eye movement and temporary blind-out- I'm not talking about sleep..and this only happens when you are temporarily blinded by the sun's rays while driving in the afternoons. Symptoms of these will usually be accompanied by the next symptom (categorised under STAGE 2)!
(3) Acute Panic and Screaming at the top of the lungs- In stage 2, the mutedness experienced in stage 1 will eventually dissipate. In most acute cases, it'll help when you have someone beside you-a kind brother perhaps- so that each time you yelp in fear and start letting your hands fly all over the place in the car (everywhere except your steering wheel), at least you have a someone there to steer the car for you. Pretty convenient heh? But make sure your driving companion understands the stakes-sometimes the hands might just accidentally (just a teeny-weeny accident of course) cling violently onto the shirt collar of the person next to you (in this case, it helps if the person wears a collared t-shirt. Oh, and the darker the t-shirt colour the better since you never know where those grubby hands have traveled, and dirt may still reside even after a handwash). In other occasions, the hands might just land intermittentl on the companion's cheek or the head, particularly when panic level escalates to over 10 screams per minute. My advice is for the companion to always be prepared with attire well-suited for impending assault-such as a motorbike helmet and at least 5 surgeon's mask or a custom made face and head gear with sufficient shock-resistant padding for higher absorption of sudden pressure. For the driver, please be prepared with lozenges and lots of water for better soothing effect on throat.
(3) Uneven control of cluth and accelerator-man, the control of both these components is a very tricky one-particularly when you've just experience the screaming episode. You will experience sensations such as lurching of the car, sudden car stops, the crazy-car symptom (more commonly known as CAR-HICCUPS)
(4) Acute Sweating and secondary screaming episode- Caused by severe but heavily internalised panic, this less physically demonstrative symptom may or may not follow the previous symptom. On occasions when I first started to drive, I had to bring along a towel, bathing suit with me to convinced others when I get back that I just went swimming. Lame excuse I know, but so what? Yeah, cos my hair was completely wet, and so was my shirt or blouse. Guess I had to tell my parents that some crazy wacko threw my clothes in the pool while I was swimming, or that I had absent-mindedly went swimming in my clothes. But occasionally, when the sweating fails to quell my growing panic pangs, screaming will result, subsequently causing mild to severe interferences to eye and spatial perception and logical-analytical and sharp reflex ability (known as Open Mouth, Clog Mind syndrome).

Grrrrrhhh! Anyway, these new found lands sure aren't for the dim-witted and faint hearted. I'm just hoping that as I'll be able to embrace the joy and independence that comes from bracing through the storms of these new changes. :P

TRALALA! Sayonara!

Saturday, July 29, 2006

Just one of those tests I did again








The Idealist
You scored 19 Extroversion, 56 Intuition, 75 Emotional, and 66 Spontaneity!
INFP

INFPs are quiet, creative, sensitive and perceptive souls who often strike others as shy, reserved and cool. These folks have a rare capacity for deep caring and commitment--both to the people and causes they idealize. INFPs guide their behavior by a strong inner sense of values, rather than by conventional logic and reason. Forced to cope with this facts-and-figures "real" world we inhabit, INFPs may appear to have been imported from another galaxy! They gravitate toward creative or human service careers which allow them to use their instinctive sens of empathy and remarkable communication skills. Strongly religious, spiritual or philosophical people, INFPs may see the purpose of their lives as an inner journey, quest or personal unfolding. More practical or rational types may tend to discredit the INFP's sources of understanding as mystical. The search for a soulmate is a preoccupation for many INFPs, who must balance their need for privacy and peace with their yearning for human connection. If there seems to be an air of sadness in the INFP's spirit, blame it on this type's longing for the perfect in all things.

Relationships
INFPs present a calm, pleasant face to the world. They appear to be tranquil and peaceful to others, with simple desires. In fact, the INFP internally feels his or her life intensely. In the relationship arena, this causes them to have a very deep capacity for love and caring which is not frequently found with such intensity in the other types. The INFP does not devote their intense feelings towards just anyone, and are relatively reserved about expressing their inner-most feelings. They reserve their deepest love and caring for a select few who are closest to them. INFPs are generally laid-back, supportive and nurturing in their close relationships. With Introverted Feeling dominating their personality, they're very sensitive and in-tune with people's feelings, and feel genuine concern and caring for others. Slow to trust others and cautious in the beginning of a relationship, an INFP will be fiercely loyal once they are committed. With their strong inner core of values, they are intense individuals who value depth and authenticity in their relationships, and hold those who understand and accept the INFP's perspectives in especially high regard. INFPs are usually adaptable and congenial, unless one of their ruling principles has been violated, in which case they stop adapting and become staunch defenders of their values. They will be uncharacteristically harsh and rigid in such a situation.

Strengths
Warmly concerned and caring towards others
Sensitive and perceptive about what others are feeling
Loyal and committed - they want lifelong relationships
Deep capacity for love and caring
Driven to meet other's needs
Strive for "win-win" situations
Nurturing, supportive and encouraging
Likely to recognize and appreciate other's need for space
Able to express themselves well
Flexible and diverse








My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:



















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You scored higher than 99% on Extroversion





free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 99% on Intuition





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You scored higher than 99% on Emotional





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You scored higher than 99% on Spontaneity
Link: The Ultra Ultimate Personality Test written by zip_adeedoodah on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Monday, July 24, 2006

After a loooong blogging break!

It's been another long break since I've last blogged. *Turning sheepish*- i've been lazy lately, heh. So first things first- I've gotta catch up with lotsa stuff.

Had a terrible time juggling the piles of assignments and 2 play presentations and exhibitions last semester. It was a hell of a time, but fortunately it was subsequently replaced by a very educational, fruitful, eventful and fun semester break! Haha, if you'll call working from morning 7.15am til 9pm at night 5 times a week, and another few hours of work on Saturday fun. But surprisingly it had been exhilirating, albeit slightly tiring in the beginning. My mornings were used up doing some research & typing work in the church office, while the afternoons were reserved for my clerical and teaching job in a tuition school. It was rather nolstalgic having to go back to the same tuition school i worked at during my Form 6 break, and then doing the same multi-task job i was asked to do previously-being the clerk, receptionist, primary school class teacher & cleaner all at the same time.(Heck, and i even wrote a poem about that first job at the tuition school)..Hehe, guess the past always have a way of getting back to you. Nevertheless, it was an experience i found rather beneficial. Tutoring (I don't really call it teaching since i was tutoring them most of the time) all the primary school subjects for all the primary school classes was pretty interesting & I had to brush up on my once forgotten mathematics, science, Chinese & BM skills, since I've mostly dabbled with the English subject the past few years.

The students were surprisingly less of the rascals i initially imagined them to be.
Had an unforgettably frightening experience teaching a different bunch in the same tuition school a few years back. I remembered having to conduct 2 counseling sessions for a near-suicidal and defiant gal a few years back, chasing a boy who had cursed me a few times before running out of the tuition school etc, and winced at the prospect of facing those similar cases again. But thankfully this new bunch of students were comparatively fine...*THANK GOD* Enjoyed chatting with some of them during the lesson.HEHE..

Then two weeks prior to the start of the semester, there was this LO (Liaison Officer) Induction course and the Uni Orientation that i attended. The Orientation was just wonderful but the Induction course was even better-went for a day trip Permai(where we practised the art of killing mosquitoes, the fastest way to grow 3 shades darker, walking on stony pavements barefooted and then getting ourselves dirty in the sand, oh, and rolling on the ground as well). Then the next day we visited a Kampung (had a fun time washing windows and squatting for nearly an hour washing dishes-i must have gained 1 kilo of muscle mass, ate some interesting kampung food, played games, grew a few more shades darker and watched an all-female *with sarungs tied to their waist* football match-a few LOs from a neighbouring kampung even had the novelty to cut down big banana trees with a grass cutter), had a LO Hunt thingy the following day again (something like a treasure hunt, except we had to look for the MPPs-student union officers all around the new campus-more thigh muscles after that). So yeah, we LOs had first hand opportunity to gain muscle mass while roaming around the new campus before the new bunch of students came in. After that-learnt the art of swaying a pom-pom in one hand and shaking a bottle filled with pebbles in the other while jumping like crazy and sashaying around as we cheered for our teammates during a kayakking race. *Sob* But i lost some of my voice that day. Oh well!

The MAP or Orientation went well...made friends with lots of juniors and other LOs while serving as an LO unit ER or First Aid personnel at Kolej Seroja. *OWMIGOSH* and I nearly cried when everything ended towards the end. A memorable experience for me, definitely!

P/S: **Oh, and i also gained a new *RODENT* friend during those 2 weeks... learnt that a HAMSTER belonging to a friend of mine was named after me, and also a friend of mine whose name rhymes with the word 'hamster'..Yeah, was forced, coerced or prompted to say 'hi' and chum up with that hamster called 'Victoria'-the less sanitized, hairier, furrier, uncomunicative, more grotesque, naughtier, fatter (i'm thinner than that guy you know) & less sophisticated version. I WAS IN SHOCK, APPALLED IN FACT!*GASP*-rodents or hamsters or mousies or chipmunks or prairie dogs or whatever you want to name it, clearly hold no resemblance whatsoever to we humans-the higher beings- hence it does not deserve so civilized a name as 'Victoria'. Hrmphh! And to everyone reading this, please, PLEASE, don't ever call any kucings, or doggies, or mousies, or turtles, or fishies (even if it has nutritional value and contain ginseng-like qualities), or tadpoles, or snakeys, or caterpillers, or wormeys, or sluggies, or oink-oinks, or Moo-moos, or whatever- the sacred human name "Victoria"! Queen Victoria of England of the early 20th century would have been indignant! She would have fainted, in fact! :P
~*OKAY I WAS JUST JOKING*~
BYE guys! Nitey Nite!

Thursday, February 23, 2006

WOW! It's being a long time...

Can't believe how long it's been since my last blog entry...3 months! Golly, it really shows what lack of inspiration I had since the last err..3 long months or so. Wondering where I was all the while?..well.. thankfully I wasn't floating somewhere in the outer space...wish I was whisked by some mysterious force around the milky way though...just for some fun. But nah, life aint that dramatic...so here I am, just going about my daily stuff, my boring stuff, my (at first) uneventful life, then it turned slightly stale and sour (you know, like one of those crusty slices of bread you leave out for days, then after a while it was ok again, then I had to force myself back to Uni...and the long story goes.

It had been a pretty ok few weeks of my new semester... ok in terms of my ability to cope with the load of stressful assignments. Then it became a lil' bit too heavy....presented this reader's theatre thingy just a few weeks back, had such fun singing this lil' sad song(for the first time in my life) and boo-hoo-ing my heart's out as part of the sketch production...at the end I was practically drippin in sweat, but jubilant that it was all over. Phew! Boy, things didn't turn out that well though when the lecturer gave pretty urm...negative comments about all the groups' performance...ALL...not just one or two...so i was like..um.. really devastated at first.

But I enjoyed myself. Learning to enjoy myself in the midst of the choas I facing now... just had a mid-term test just now (that was exactly like 40 minutes ago), don't what other reason I'm writing this load of stuff except to chill out, kill time. It's gonna be a nerve-wrecking time for me next week, with 2 assignments to pass up and a test as well going on on Monday, then a poster draft, poetry assignment and another mid-term test Thursday, then this huge learning package assigment to pass up on Friday. Really need something or someone to relieve this pressure right now before it surges to extreme boiling point... and that means relying on the sweet presence and annointing of Jesus. Honestly, I'm practically clueless as to how to proceed with all these... had been relying on my prayer, soothing and wonderful time with God to endure all these... and He's been a great comfort. Never bothered to really seek God each day, but something's changed this semester... I just had to spend time with God every single day, and everyday I find myself soaking and bathing in such peace each day despite the immense pressure I'm facing. It's really a wonderful comfort...

So..that's how my life's been.. need to rush now... have to get back to prepare for a quiz and 2 assignment discussion later and I haven't studied for the quiz yet. BUSY BUSY busy me...

Well...so that's all for now...Bye...Cheerio! :)

Friday, November 25, 2005

Here's More...Gee..Am I crazy or what? Nah...I'm bored!

(1) Ultimate Personality Test
HASH(0x8d01fa8)
Seer


The ULTIMATE personality test
brought to you by Quizilla



(2) How do ppl look at you?

HASH(0x8bf7178)
people see you as a loving, helpful person, but
they don't really know who you are... you
sometimes feel pain on the inside but you
hardly show it.


how do people look at you? (anime pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla



(3) What Kind of Artistic Temperament Do you Have?
Solo Artist

It sounds as if you're the type of woman who is going to make her artistic mark as a well-regarded solo artist. Whether as a writer, singer, photographer, or something else, you work incredibly well when you're left alone so your fertile mind can be at its most creative. Don't let people pressure you to join in if you really don̢۪t want to (although some socializing is good for even the most solitary types!). Enjoy being so independent, and keep working towards your goals.



(4) What Makes You Unique?
Vic, your most unique quality is that you're unusually Intense

You're wound up and have a lot going on. Others may have trouble understanding what you're going through, but they generally find your intensity very compelling and are drawn to you. This happens even without effort on your part. Compared to others who are also intense, you are unusually quick to listen when others give you critical feedback. Only 2.1% of all test takers have this unique combination of personality strengths.



(5) Center Stage or Backstage?
Flashlight

Is that you lurking in the shadows? Hey, come out now! Sometimes life can seem embarrassing and awkward and all you want to do is crawl under a rock. But don't do this so often that you miss great opportunities. You need to let yourself shine. Getting more confident usually comes from pushing your boundaries — so even if you don't feel comfortable being the main focus, you just have to put yourself out there anyway. And you will get used to it, hey you may even grow to like it!

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

More Crappy Personality/ IQ Whatever Test Results

(1) Shakespeare Test







Hamlet
Hark, Ye scored 54!
Ahh, You are Hamlet, the protagonist from, duh, Shakespeare's Hamlet. You have an inherent need to wax philosophical and figure out everything... no matter how painstaking that process may be. You need to plow through all sorts of thoughts before you make a decision, and normally, you waste way too much energy in doing so.







My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:










free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 36% on SC
Link: The Shakespearian Character Test written by LoudmouthLee on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test



(2)Swirve Character Test

On the Swirve Personality Test, I am a Healer. About me:


You are a rare individual. Idealistic almost to a fault, the Healer is known for his or her selfless and caring nature. Oftentimes a quiet sort, you have a hidden passion for life that no one ...
read more or take the Test yourself!




(3) LOTR Personality Test


What LoTR Character Are You?



(4) Pulp Fiction Character Quiz
What Pulp Fiction Character Are You?

It has to be YOUR way. When it isn't, you panic, but hold your ground. You keep your gun pointed and trigger finger ready, but you'd never really hurt anyone. Though you like being tough, feeling control, you often enjoy blending in and being part of the ordinary human race.

Take the What Pulp Fiction Character Are You? quiz.




(5) What Candy Are You?

discover what candy you are @ quiz me


(6) Which High School Stereotype Are You?




Take the What High School
Stereotype Are You?
quiz.

(7)What Kind of Care Bear Are You?
See what Care Bear you are.


(8) Powerpuff Girls Character Quiz

Which PPG are you?



(9) Which Harry Potter Character Are You?


Which HP Kid Are You?



(10) What Cute Animal Are you?
href="http://www.wiredreflection.com/tests/pets.html"
target="new">
border=0 frameborder=0 alt="You are Ein!">


Take the href="http://www.wiredreflection.com/tests/pets.html" target="new"> "Which Anime pet are you?" test!


(11) Which Historical Lunatic Are you? (*Haha...this is funny*)
I'm William John Cavendish-Bentinck-Scott, the Fifth Duke of Portland!
Which Historical Lunatic Are You?
From the fecund loins of Rum and Monkey.
Sometime Marquis of Tichfield, Earl of Portland, Viscount Woodstock, Baron of Cirencester, co-heir to the Barony of Ogle and renowned as the finest judge of horseflesh in England, you took the tradition of aristocratic eccentricity to unprecedented heights. Having inherited the stately home of Welbeck Abbey, you proceeded to construct miles of underground tunnels and a ballroom, in pink, beneath it. The ballroom was complete except for one small detail. It had no floor. Despite this vast home, you lived exclusively in a suite of five rooms, each one also pink.

Having been turned down by your opera singer objet d'amour, Adelaide Kemble, in your youth, you suffered a broken heart and never married. This did not stop you from caring deeply about the wellbeing of your servants. Occasionally you would even help them muck out the stables. However, you did not neglect discipline, forcing disobedient underlings to skate themselves to exhaustion on your subterranean skating rink. Servants were given strict instructions regarding conduct: if they met you in a corridor, they were to ignore your existence while you froze to the spot until they were out of sight; and a chicken was to be kept roasting at all times in case you felt like sneaking into the kitchen for a snack.

You became ever more eccentric with age. You built another tunnel, this time to the railway station, through which you would ride your carriage. When you reached the station your carriage, with you inside, would be hoisted up onto the train in its entirety.

Upon your death, your multitude of titles passed to your cousin, who was obliged to delve into your curious domain to find your body once the servants had reported your absence. Entering your private rooms, he found that, aside from a commode in the centre of your bedroom, the only objects in the whole suite were hundreds of hatboxes, each containing a single brown wig.


(12) Which High School Clique you Belong to?
You scored as Loner. YOU HAVE NO SOCIAL LIFE! thats ok

Loner

60%

Geek/Nerd

53%

Goth

40%

Emo Kid

40%

Hot

13%

"Ghetto"

13%

Jock

0%

Stoner

0%

Punk

0%

Prep

0%

What Highschool Clique Do You Belong To?
created with QuizFarm.com



(13) Which Shakespeare Tragic Flaw are you? (*Geesh..again...there goes this Hamlet Guy! Am I such a spoonge head? Golly!*)
Hamlet
To be, or not to be?


What is Your Shakespearian Tragic Flaw?
brought to you by Quizilla


(14)What Desk Item Are you?





(15) Auto Personality Quiz
Take the quiz: "Auto Identity"

Average American Car
You have more important things to worry about than the car you drive. You need something that will last for a long time, dependent, not too expensive, and easy to fix

(16) Which LOTR Elf character are you?
border=0 align=bottom> My top result for the SelectSmart.com selector,
Which LOTR Elf Are You,
is Arwen


(17) Where's Your Brain?
In Limbo!
In Limbo!
Take Where's your Brain? today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Personality Test Generator.

Your brain's in Limbo! You seem to be on the horizon discovering things about yourself and the world, though something may be holding you back. Consider this quote, and don't give up, there is still time to realize your full potential.:)

"We are conditioned to notice and emphasize the differences among ourselves, instead of the similarities. The corporate-style partitioning begins early in life: fetus, newborn, infant, toddler, preschool, lower school, middle school, junior high, senior high, pre-teen, teen. Get in your box and stay there!"

-George Carlin,Brain Droppings



(18) Which Classic Book Are you?































Which Classic Book Are You?
Book: Daniel Defoe's Robinson Crusoe.
Synopsis: Daniel Defoe relates the tale of an English sailor marooned on a desert island for nearly three decades. An ordinary man struggling to survive in extraordinary circumstances, Robinson Crusoe wrestles with fate and the nature of God.
Excerpt: It happened one day about noon, going towards my boat, I was exceedingly surprised with the print of a man's naked foot on the shore, which was very plain to be seen in the sand. I stood like one thunderstruck, or as if I had seen an apparition; I listened, I looked round me, I could hear nothing, nor see anything; I went up to a rising ground to look farther; I went up the shore and down the shore, but it was all one, I could see no other impression but that one; I went to it again to see if there were any more, and to observe if it might not be my fancy, but there was no room for that, for there was exactly the very print of a foot, toes, heel, and every other part of a foot; how it came thither I knew not, nor could in the least imagine.
Amazon: Robinson Crusoe
Which Classic Book Are You?




(19) What Kind of Social Software Are you?
what kind of social software are you?


(20) Are you an Independant Thinker?
Take the quiz: "Are you an independent thinker?"

A Passive Independent
You are an independent thinker but you don't feel the need to fight everyone on it. You shake your head and quietly snicker when you hear all the propaganda, and you grumble to yourself when you hear the gossip. But hey, what are you gonna do?


(21) Which F1 Driver Are you?
This is me

Take the F1 drivers quiz on supersonicsquirrel.net



(22) Which Finger Are You?
You are the Pinky finger!!!!!

Just like the pinky toe that went weeweewee all the way home, you are shy. You are intelligent, but like to hide it behind books. Like the girl from "She's All That," you are very artsy. Don't be afraid to step out of your shell once in a while... you never know where it could take you!!! :)


(23) What Disney Princess Are You? (*Hahahahahha... I belong to the CPC-Coach Potato Club*)
Take the quiz: "What Disney Princess Are You?"

Sleeping Beauty
You sleep a lot, but atleast you have those cool lil fairies by your side.


(24) Finally...An IQ Test
(* Which really isn't much of an IQ test to me--try it to see if what I'm saying is true...True geniuses have IQs of over 160 or more, those with IQs of 140-160 are only the above average ones okay!*)
Take the quiz: "Find your IQ (pictures)"

Genius IQ 141 and above
Wow. Your IQ is 141 and above. Meaning you are smart as hell. Intelligence probably runs in your family but you are probably very modest about your intelligence and may down play it to feel like you belong. Rock ON Smart Ass!


(25) HAHAHA...Your Future Career Test
Take the quiz: "What is your future career? (((w/pics)))"

business woman
Your intelligent. You're committed to your work. You like to have fun, but you are serious with you work and future. You only want the best for your life and your later family that you plan to make. You know that all the schooling will eventually pay off.


(26) What Kind of Student Are you?
Take the quiz: "Are you an A, B, C, D, E, or F student?"

A-student.
You are an A-student. If you continue your studying habits, you will achieve many of your dreams and goals.


(27) Are you Popular...or a Geek?
(*Awww...that was funny...does that person reeeaaally look like me?...Owwwch!!*)
Take the quiz: "Are you Popular or a Geek?!?!"

Geek, fix yo style
Look you may be cool to your friends, but you need to rap up your style and get it together, keep your shirt not tucked go get a whole new wardrobe


(28) Another LOTR Quiz
Take the quiz: "What Harry Potter Character Are You?"

Hermione Granger
You are hermione Granger extremly smart , and love to read ,and study , and the top person in your class


(29) Which X-Men character are you?
Take the quiz: "Which X-Men Character are you most like?"

Jean Grey
You are the support of all your friends. You enjoy reading and writing and have many close friends. When you find someone you may get confused on what you truly want.



(30) Which Word Best Describes you?
Take the quiz: "Which word describes you?"

Smart
You are very very smart. You love reading and doin your homework..good luck with your social life!


(31) Which Famous Novel Are you?

Take the quiz: "Which Famous Novel Are You? (Pictures)"

A Christmas Carol
(By: Charles Dickens) You can't find anything better than a classic book. You are fascinated by the writers back then and always want to find more. You are smart and clever.



(32) Which LOTR Character are you..again?

Take the quiz: "WHICH LOTR CHARACTER DOES YOUR PERSONALITY MATCH?"

Sam
Your personality matches Sam. You may not always be the sharpest or the most witty person but you are the most loyal, determined, reliable person anyone could ever wish to meet. You will stick by your friends through thick and thin and your strength is a credit to you.


(33) What kind of Dessert are you?
Take the quiz: "What dessert are you"

cupcake
You are a cupcake! Innocent and sweet more than every one else. Everyone loves someone like you!



(34) How Do Others See you?
Take the quiz: "How do others see you?"

A nice and caring person
Its nice that you're so helpful but maybe letting people do things on their own once in a while would be nice.


(35) What's your Inner Soul?

Take the quiz: "What's your inner soul like? (AWESOME ANIME FOR GIRLS!)"

Shy Soul
Your so cute because your SO shy. Just calm done a bit, relax, the world isn't wait for you to mess up..

Friday, November 18, 2005

Psychology Test

Did a couple of psychology tests today... one of my favourite past times.. hehe... aiming towards a clearer understanding of myself. Here are a few the links and my results, and my comments about the results:

Pattern Test: (2 Mins)
http://www.psicologi-psicoterapeuti.it/test/testpersonalita.html

My results: * supposed to choose one pic only, but I selected 2 pics - my fav and da 2nd fav one*

Main: Romantic, Dreamy & Emotional--You are a very sensitive person. You refuse to view things only from a sober, rational standpoint. What your feelings tell you is just as important to you. In fact, you feel it is important to have dreams in life, too. You reject people who scorn romanticism and are guided only by rationality. You refuse to let anything confine the rich variety of your moods and emotions.

Secondary: Introspective, reflective, sensitive--You come to grips more frequently and thoroughly with yourself and your environment than do most people. You detest superficiality; you'd rather be alone than have to suffer through small talk. But your relationships with your friends are very strong, which gives you the inner tranquility and harmony that you require. You do not mind being alone for extended periods of time; you rarely become bored.

Comment: Gee, most of what it says are pretty true about me, but don't quite agree with the part about rejecting ppl who scorn romanticism. Hey... I'm not such an extreme as that, I can be rational too okay! Aren't we humans born with two hemispheres of the brain, as well as other parts that control both rationality and emotions. Anyway, this is just one of those personality tests.


Color Quiz: (5 Mins)

http://www.colorquiz.com/
* Did this many times before.. but decided to take it again to find if there are any changes in my personality*

My Results:

Your Existing Situation :Readily participates in things that provide excitement or stimulation. Wants to feel exhilarated
* Gee, how true*

Your Stress Sources:
Wants to overcome a feeling of emptiness and to bridge the gap which she feels separates herself from others. Anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to explore all its possibilities, and to live it to the fullest. She therefore resents any restriction or limitation being imposed on her and insists on being free and unhampered.
*Golly, u read my mind--EERIE*

Your Restrained Characteristics:
Believes that she is not receiving her share--that she is neither properly understood or adequately appreciated. Feels that she is being compelled to conform, and close relationships leave her without any sense of emotional involvement.
* Oh-Oh..the secret's out*

Your Desired Objective
Needs a change in her circumstances or in her relationships which will permit relief from stress. Seeking a solution which will open up new and better possibilities and allow hopes to be fulfilled.

Your Actual Problem
Feels restricted and prevented from progressing; seeking a solution which will remove these limitations

Your Actual Problem #2
The fear that she may be prevented from achieving the things she wants leads her into a relentless search for satisfaction in the pursuit of illusory or meaningless activities.

*My--how accurate those descriptions are* Hehe... that's why I love doing these tests!

Ok..Ok.. wanted to share more. But the lab's closing. Hv to go now...bye bye!

Exam's finally over! HURRAY!

Phew, It's all over, the one whole week of intense cramming, whole semester of assignments, studying, it all finished for this semester! Yippee! Just finished my last paper just now, about...hmn..an hour ago...a pretty thought-provoking Critical Appreciation paper. Couldn't answer some of the questions since I spent most of my time yesterday sleeping and playing computer games instead of studying. It's always been like that for the last paper... u get lazier, refuse to let ur mind work. Nvrmind, I had to rely on my imagination and creative, analytical skills instead to 'create' some crap of an answer. Felt like dying when I was answering it, nearly went 'ohmigod' when I read the questions. I didn't finish reading the novel "Old man and the Sea" I was supposed to study..forgot to read it yesterday again, but luckily a fren managed to brief me on some of the important aspects of the novel, which happened to come out in one of the questions just now... hehe..what a blessing that was.... All I had to do was just 'goreng-goreng' something... add some pepper, sauce, chilli..blah blah..whatever into the essay ... then da question's all set, urm... I hope. As for d other questions.. yikes.. I really don't wanna think of it! I'll see images of that man in a black hooded cloak swinging that horrible, gleaming blade down your neck... with a cynical, diabolical smile on his face..then they'll be this putrid of smell of death...Okay, okay... no use to get so imaginative larh! It's time to enjoy, isn't it~!ooh lala!
So, enjoy the holidays, I will. Think of nonsense, I will not. But I do wonder if I can retain that record of getting a Dean's Award this semester. Ok, please don't think of it anymore. To be worried, or not to be.. that's merely a question of how one can overcome anxiety and learn to relax, right folks? I'll relax, savour this moment of release, to dwell in the joy and sheer comfort of complacency and idleness.. now, that's what I call fun! Yee-harh.... it's gonna be fun after this!
Ok, I don't wanna crap some more... have fun this hols, folks! Cherrio!

Monday, October 31, 2005

Here I am again!

Gee, can't really believe how long it was since I've last blogged here. Did try blogging a few days ago, but somehow couldn't log into blogspot to update my blog...some server connection problem I guess, dunno...but I ended up venting all my pent-up frustration in my (accesible) friendster blog. For my two latest *angry* blog entries (just updated last week), check it out at:
http://vic_idealistpoetica.blogs.friendster.com/poetica_haven_encapsulati/

*Mind you, watch out for some red-boiling-hot fiery stuff written there* Uh-huh!

Ahh..things have been finally settling down for me...with "only" 1 assignment left and a string of semester exams to go. Exams will start on the 9th, then end on the 18th... and there's this critical essay literature assignment to be passed up on the 11th..hmnn, but it's a more peaceful week...really...compared to that crazy past 2 weeks when I got in-and out of fever, then nearly went ballistic over certain things...phew, things have toned down a lot...my emotions have cooled down too. With God's help, finally found a way to manage all the things going around me, and not-to-mention--those ruffled emotions. But I'm still questioning and searching for answers to many things in my life- like...What is it I really want to set out to achieve through this life? In what ways can I really serve God? Is TESL really for me? or rather, should I really teach in schools when I graduate? and other general things about life. Been pondering a lot about the future these days...re-evaluating my preferences, my new desires, my slightly shifting interests & my revamped life goals. I don't honestly know if it's merely a matter of my raging hormones and emotions, or a sudden philospical trigger or insight, or a resurfacing of some of the previous questions I'd raised long time ago, which could've previously been buried in my subconscious. Emotions can be both a wondrous blessing and a cumbersome plague in your life...I can't safely vouch for that--being an intensely emotional person--It's makes you a slave to your own shifting moods (it swings too furiously like a freedom-starved pendulum at times)...the morbidity that results is both psychologically damaging and socially stifling. But ironically I don't show a lot of emotion on my face most of the time, like it's encrusted in ice or something--hard and heavy.... but I like spilling it all out in writing....*AH* nice to have this lil' spot to pour everything out...It's both comforting and exciting--like a philosophical version of my safety blanket.

Golly, had a really interesting time last Monday...specially stayed over the weekend in UNIMAS just to watch the play 'Pygmalion' performed by the 3rd year TESL and ESL students in UNIMAS last Monday night. It was truly awesome...remember 'MY FAIR LADY'-starring Audrey Hepburn....and 'old' movie I know...for those who dunno, it's about a cockney English speaking flower girl--Eliza Doolitle, who, under the tutelage of this professor in phonetics--Henry Higgins, learns to talk & walk like a fine lady...in order to be passed off as a duchess at a garden party. Had always loved the story since I last watched it years ago...and would always remember that song 'Wouldn't it be Loverly'.. so watching the seniors performing the play in UNIMAS was like a rekindling of that old passion...*A dream come true*--truly enjoyed the performance... I was esctatic,man... There were actually two versions of the 'pymalion' performed that night... the first one, performed by the first group-- was the original 'London' version, which followed the original play quite closely...then, the second one performed by another group was a re-adaptation...a Sarawakian *Lundu* version of the original...It was interesting to see how these two versions vary...Each version was interesting in its own way...For the first one--Golly, I just loved the acting--truly professional, really...this came from a non-TESL friend of mine, who couldn't believe that the performers were TESL & ESL students...She thought they were all pros. And the singing was spectacular--For that brief moment then, all I could hear from the stage was that rich, sparkling voice-- truly beautiful...The same thing goes for the second play--which was a wonderfully humorous, very local, Sarawakian version of Pygmalion. Loved the use of those cute local accents...and the 'ayang' 'ayang' part...hehheheh...as well as that chilly evil laughter and that 'bomoh'-style stage-jumping & elegant-walking-talking antics of the witch--Ursula. Apparently Ursula took the place of Prof. Higgins in this re-adaptation of the play, and taught a very typically 'kampung', rough-talking Lundu girl how to be 'SOPISTIKETED', and transformed her, in the course of a few weeks, into a national speech competition champion. It was a comical one. Heh-heh..so to all who were involved in the production of the play--BRAVO, BRAVO indeed! Truly a remarkable performance! Learnt a lot about drama & performance that night! Wish I could watch it again.

EEK..you seniors really sent chills down my spine when I watched the play...reminds me of the BIG TASK ahead of we second year folks next year...Eeeeepss...Wonder how we r gonna match your performance...you guys have really set the mark...With the bar raised, it's not gonna be a piece of cake to jump across the hedge--if you get what I mean. Garrrhhh...I'm both excited and petrified at the prospect of being part of our own drama performance sometime during the third year! Hah, but i'm definitely looking forward to it. Bound to have lotsa things to learn and do! Oh-yeah!

Hmnn..as always...this is another long blog entry. That typical 'loso' style of mine at it's work again! Okay, okay, gotta end this before you guys doze off. Bye! Bye folks! For those students of UNIMAS..**ENJOY** your study week..heheh-u know what I mean... really *savour* the tension that this holiday entails..Oh yeah!... gotta go now...Sayonara!

Saturday, August 13, 2005

A Locked-out-of-room-door drama

Hi! It’s weeks since I’ve posted anything. Pretty busy…and tired about things in my currently dull life. Read my next entry for details about my life and the issue of dreaded monotony and changing interests.

But something slightly funny happened a few weeks back—I got locked out of my room, not once, but twice in the course of one week! Once during the weekend just minutes before my Mum came to pick me up for my Friday night church life group, then once again a few days after that, just an hour or so before a club meeting I was supposed to attend. And I even seriously contemplated of trying out that acrobatic leap into my bedroom window from the balcony located near my room. Hehe… luckily, after looking down from three floors on top of the balcony, I quickly freaked out. Any daredevil attempt would probably give me a mini lesson on aeronautics and its effects on the human anatomy, and a huge lesson on why we humans aren’t cut out for the flying race. Maybe I should have tried it out, but my mind kept imagining what my balcony railing might look like the moment I stepped onto it, with my chunky weight and all, or what I will eventually look like the moment after flying lesson starts. I may have the gift of changing the course of balcony railings, but leaping from balcony to windows wasn’t my idea of fun.

Luckily I had my daring little sis, Deb to help me out later. With the help of 2 sturdy long planks placed from the balcony railing and the window sill and a cable chord tied across her bod, my sis agilely crawled across the plank into the window and whalla, my door could finally open! I tried to imagine what it would be like if I were the one doing the crawling, but the picture turned out to be too horrible to describe. What morbid imagination! So, instead of a good lesson on aeronautics, physics and kinesics, what I got instead was a sound lecture on the effects of forgetfulness, carelessness and the dangers of cowardice. I must admit, it was very enlightening, but it’s effects didn’t last long.

So, sigh…days after that first incident, I made another ‘bu-bu’ and locked myself out again, in my haste to produce to load of squeaky-clean clothes. There was no sister or Mama to help me out then, but I had a great friend next door to lend me some raffia string to tie around my waist and to hold the chair as I climbed from the balcony to the railing. Needless to say, I was both ecstatic and disturbed by the prospect of undergoing that leaping trauma. All I could remember was finding a best angle to climb from, listening to my friend whispering frantically about being careful, then me climbing onto that steel balcony railing, and trying not to think of the horror of taking the plunge. It made me feel somewhat like an acrobat in a circus freak show, or one of those participants in ‘Fear-factor’. Then, I made the worst mistake any potential climber could make— I glanced down at that patch of dark, greeny, murky grass below, and my stomach churned. With a yelp, and in reflex, I quickly leaped down, not onto the window sill, but back onto the balcony, with that ugly image of me dangling from the string attached to the balcony horrendously imprinted in my mind. So there goes leaping and flying lessons. I had to find some other way to get in.

Since I knew the hostel office didn’t have a spare key to my room (I tried asking already, and it was no use). The only way into the room was to get my bag from that room, since my room key was kept in there. Fortunately for me, my bag was just placed directly by the window on my study table. All I had to do was to hook that thing up with a long stick, and then I could get in. Why didn’t I have the foresight to try out this option first instead of that daredevil attempt to climb-leap into my room, I don’t really know. I was absolutely frantic at that time, and didn’t take the time to consider any alternative options. Anyway, my friend got a long stick, I tried several times to ‘fish’ my bag out through the window, and then after several minutes, phew, I finally managed to hook it out! My key was retrieved and the drama was finally over. And to avoid this drama ever happening again, I made a few spare keys after that, which I gave to my mum and that friend for safe-keeping.

As for other incidents in my life, nothing practically amusing happened aside from doing my own cooking in my dorm. Well, if you would call cooking and frying rice, opening cans of sardine and warming them up, frying eggs, making egg and mushroom soup, and cooking maggi mee amusing or fun. Wanted to cook veges and some substantial stuff, but thanks to not having a refrigerator, and my not being much of a cook, I couldn’t. I was lucky enough to have a multi-purpose electric cooking pot from home last week, which I brought to save my money up on eating out. Electric—meaning I didn’t need a gas stove to cook (we’re not allowed to have that there). But what I instead ended up spending my money on was on some crappy stuff during the convocation fest in Unimas the past two days—fridge magnets, a t-shirt, a ‘cheap’ watch with straps too long, different types of drinks I’ve never tasted before etc.. etc. No substantial meals brought there—since I wanted to ‘save it up’ for my own ‘substantial’ cooking later, which turned up to be merely fried rice (with eggs and sardines) yesterday. I’m seriously planning of doing some kind of community cooking with my pals next door the next week. They’re better cooks than me, since my ‘culinary expertise’ mostly consists of the menu I mention earlier – it’s mostly fried this, and fried that, and sometimes some kind of weird soupy concoction. Well, I could gain some cooking tips from them. It’s a feeble attempt to spice up my currently boring, stale life.

Ok, gotta go now. Don’t want to drag this on and on…for other details, read my next entry, which I will post soon. Cheerio!

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Golly, it's weeks since i've posted anything. Can hardly get hold of one of the computers at the unimas library lab or faculty lab, that's why. It's almost always fully booked during the time i'm free to pop in inside the lab. And even when I'm lucky enough to get hold of one...there are always plenty of assignments or tutorial info to search on. Sigh..that's uni life. Can't have the privilege of close proximity to the unimas lab like the previous semesters anymore. I'm living much further away now from my campus...about a 5-minute bus drive away. And since I always cherish my sleep at night, and a good rest during the groggy hours after 7pm, taking a bus to the unimas library at night didn't seem like a sound idea. I'm getting lazier...and lazier by the semester, I realise now too. Getting a reference book to read sometimes seem like sheer torture right now..so the idea of haggling up the bus to get to the unimas lab or library seems pretty daunting.

But I'm pretty much enjoying myself with the lectures. I'm taking up to courses that has to do with literature..something I can exercise my analytical mind on for a bit. Enjoying myself trying to figure the characters, symbolisms and plots out. Critical Analysis and Reading Narratives---hmnnn..sound like yummy subjects to me...you can practically taste the sheer joy of going through them. Nah, I didn't mean it literally. The poems for the course were well chosen too--Blake's " To See the Word in a Grain of Sand" had always intrigued me, and now I'm studying it! Haven't read all that I'm supposed to read though. But I just love those two courses! Hope I'll do well with them this semester..and hopefully get an A for each one of them.

Other updates: Just got a new handphone. So for those who didn't know about this---this means that you can contact me via hp now.

Oh, and I just went for the "Puteri Hang Li Po" musical at Stadium Perpaduan just last night. I've been to dramas, but not a musical like this, so this was the first time. Yeah, I know, I was busy, but someone gave my family free ticket, so why should I miss out on this golden opportunity? Anyway, I had hoped I could go watch it the first time I saw a promo poster on it pasted in front of the ET-the unimas theatre. In fact, I dreamed about going, since I'd always loved dramas. I love reading dramas, watching it, writing scripts for it, and even being in it. And since it was staged by Istana Budaya, I had a good idea how professional the set up would be. So the experience was truly phenomenal for me. Saw Louisa Chon, Soong Ai Ling in action. Aman Yap was truly amazing as Laksamana Ming You...his stance was professional. The dances were spectacular. My sister, Deb, ever the experienced dancer, couldn't help pinpointing the tribe of origin those different chinese dance steps came from. Yeah, she went to China once for a summer dance course, so she had a clear idea of what went round. And the set up of the props were very detailed. A truly professional performance and set up on the overall, albeit with a few flaws (as usual). But it was a great performance nonetheless! What's more to say? It was a privilege even to be there!

Hehe...that's all.....or else my other commitments shall be at stake. Piles of assignments mounting up--I've 6 coming up, and have to edit all of them. It's tough enough doing all of them, even tougher when you have to edit every one of the pair and group assignments too. Always the so called "English Teacher". Then there's also this TEACH 2005 I'm going to attend too--the only student going for my year. Busy, busy me! So, Cheerio folks..bye bye!

Monday, July 11, 2005

Back to Unimas!

It's been a pretty tiring 2 days for me...now that I'm finally back to unimas. And I'm now acessing and typing out this entry via one of the computers at the unimas library lab. Just registered at the new hostel in the new unimas campus yesterday...and had to went through a 3-hour ordeal (from 5pm-8pm)just to get the key to my room. Apparently they didn't have a proper, systematic system to allocate students to their specified rooms. There were only a lady and 3 or 4 other guys at the counter servicing over a hundred students cramped and jam-packed in a small room. So you can imagine how stuffy it was in the registration office.Just imagine hundreds of sardines tightly packed in a container....that's how the situation was like. Then as I finally fought my way to the counter, alas, I was told that my key was taken away by my roomate. So I carried some of my stuff from my car, then dragged them up to my room, which is on the 3rd floor, only to find that it was locked! No one else was there! It seemed that I was the first one, or so I thought! So it was another trip to the stuffy room and counter again. And boy was that lady there pretty cranky! Since my room key could not be found at the counter, just run around the different blocks and try to find one of the staffs who may..'MAY' have my room key, she told me. It was a wild goose chase all the way after that! I managed to get hold of one of the staffs, who told me that the key was supposed to be at the counter. So I went back again..was shoved off. So my Dad who drove me there got pretty mad, yeah, and you could see how cranky he was when he complained to that lady at the counter about my key problem, and their haphazhard system. Immediately she took action, gave me a single room instead, and a key! Hurray, a key! Happily we rushed to the room, opened the door, and found--oh no, the room was occupied by someone else! Then it was another trip down to the counter again. And by that time, I was so drenched in sweat, and so tired that I nearly fell asleep. To cut the story short, I was given the whole bunch of keys to all 6 bedrooms in my apartment instead, and was asked to choose a bedroom I want! Hehe.. it was better than I had expected! So I found a single room I wanted, in fact the only unoccupied single room in that apartment (which incidentally had a faulty fan and lamp. So I went back to the counter again, and that lady gave me a "oh, not her again!' look, returned the bunch of keys, then told her about my faulty lamp and ceiling fan case, but was then told to report it to her tomorrow, which means today, though I hadn't done it yet. Will report it tonight. So guess where did I stay last night? Couldn't possibly sleep in that boiling hot, dark and eerie bedroom. So I hopped into a friend's room just next to my apartment(hers was a shared room with 2 beds), and 'borrowed' her roomate's bed for the night. Thankfully her roomate did not turn up last night. Hehe..

But today..sigh today. I'm in a pretty weird mood today..both very happy to see my pals, but at the same time extremely tired of the waiting and pushing to register business. Guess I got pretty spoiled after my 3-month holiday! And I'm getting a bit cranky now....just got out from one of the stuffiest room you can find in unimas, after attending this soft-skill module session for nearly 2 hours. Very sleepy now. But I have a choir audition or something to attend afterwards at 3pm. Which reminds me, I've got to go now! Bye readers! Cheerio!
Who Am I - Casting Crowns